The President’s latest statement as dictated (he’s an accomplished dictator) to me.

You can be assured That the conciliatory, meticulously worded speech about recent events in Charlottesville, which I was duped into reading by a filthy little puddle that overflowed from the Washington swamp, was a momentary aberration.

Now service is back to normal.

All my supporters, be they racists, or neo-nazis, flat-earthers, climate-change deniers, born-again evangelicals (all honourable people) can be assured that I am their worthy candidate when seeking my second term.

Before we reach that point there is much to do.

Among the possibilities is a change in the law to legalise segregation on grounds of race and a change in the law to legalise slavery.

We have to consider whether the USA fought on the wrong side in WW2.  Deep down the Nazis are nice folk. And let’s face it:  that covert red, Roosevelt, in cahoots with that obvious commie, Churchill, had us allied with the Red Army.  See that name?  Red. It gives the game away. You can’t fool me. I bet most of those Russian soldiers were communists under cover of army uniforms.  They even had women fighting in the front line. Clearly transsexuals, every one of ’em. I have firm evidence that the Red Army was totally infiltrated by commies. My dear friend and chief strategist, Steve Bannon is to be nominated for the Iron Cross. No, I mean the Congressional Medal of Honour in recognition of his services to the greatest-ever US President.