THE WHITE HOUSE
To The Rt Hon Boris Johnson MP
House of Commons
London SW1A 0AA
My dear Boris
We have much in common, you and me. Judges hound us in witch-hunts based on fake news. Take a tip from me: the president of your Supreme Court looks pretty old. Replace her. You need and deserve a supreme court that is on your side.
We share an immediately recognisable hairstyle, although they tell me you have no need for bleach.
We both have gone through the ladies. That’s what they are for.
We both have outstanding intellects.
Both of our countries have rust-belts which are our voter bases.
They tell me yours is pretty well everything north of a place called Milton Keynes. I hope it has nothing to do with that commie economist Keynes.
We both have an up-coming election.
I won the presidency by promising the people what they want:
more military spending;
controlling those terrorists in Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, Bolivia, etc.;
ending Obamacare (why the heck should healthy folks pay for the Medicare of the work-shy sick?
Pulling out of the so-called Paris Agreement and keeping gas prices down (climate change is fake news);
No curbs on fracking, drilling and clearing the forests.
A wall to keep out the Hispanics;
And let nobody tell you to pussyfoot in your speeches.
How does this HUMBUG translate? Is it Latin for bullshit?
And this BREXIT. Is it some fancy word for KEEP THEM OUT?
When folks are angry, they like their politicians to be angry. The suckers go for it every time. Remember “Lock her up”? That was a sure-fire vote winner.
You’ve got this commie Corbyn guy. A Russian agent if ever I saw one. How about, “Lock him up.”
Along with you, the suckers would chant that for hours.
After Brexit, you and me can make a great and beautiful trade deal. My people will take the NHS and make it turn a profit in no time.
We want no leaks, so read this and burn it.